[ Done in the style of Spoken Word Poetry. Maybe one day if I ever get the guts and a proper microphone I’ll actually do a few soundbites of these poems. When I write them I normally go over the wordplay in lyrical style out loud. There is something of a release in being able to pace out the wording physically rather then just running through the pronunciations in your head! They are an excellent way for me to vent or release tension that other writing projects just can’t accommodate, but I don’t have the self-confidence to actually perform them… ]
Inside I’m a ruin. Broken down in crumbled decay.
Overgrown with the torrents of emotional weight –
My foundations have cracked under the strain.
Ravaged by untold years of fighting a losing battle,
With the demons that reside inside of my brain.
The all too familiar cascades of migraines
that hunt me down every god damned day.
It leaves me a shadow of my self-perceived self.
I am a ghost in this shell of something I can not be.
And here I am, haunting these ruins like a King without court –
A Queen of gravel and blood. Dirt and ash.
A soul out of time and sinking fast –
In this crumbling mess I have made.
But I refuse to give up this ragged old ghost,
I’ll shake off the dust and the rust that rattles my chains.
I’ll take these old ruins and make them whole once again-
And I’ll rebuild them over and over if need be.
After all; it’s my throne – be it made of soil or mud –
I’ve earned it in torrents of my own sweat and blood.
Pain can’t take it away from me! It just makes me stronger.
I won’t let these chains of self-doubt hold me down any longer.
My ability to endure past expectations can’t be contained
Like a phoenix I’ll spread my wings out and reignite my flames,
I just need a little fire to lift up the weight of my depression,
To start on the difficult journey of my own type of resurrection,
To light the way in the dark so I can rebuild these crumbled walls.
Stone by stone. Until the ghost in this shell feels whole once again.